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An expert advises that partners should focus on each other’s pleasure rather than pushing for specific acts
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Intimacy is a topic that many may feel uncomfortable discussing, especially when it involves certain practices that some consider niche or extreme. Yet, the pressure to explore new sexual experiences, such as anal sex, can strain relationships, with some acts even becoming deal-breakers, according to sexual health experts.
Three experts were consulted on adventurous habits that might harm relationships and how to avoid them. Interestingly, one act could actually elevate a relationship to new heights.
Cindy Gallop, founder of MakeLoveNotPorn — a platform offering a fresh alternative to mainstream pornography — emphasized that requesting something a partner is uncomfortable with, such as anal sex, is often a major issue. "Men often want anal sex," she explained, "but if your partner isn’t interested, pushing for it can cause damage. You don’t get it by begging, insisting ‘everyone else is doing it,’ or sending her porn videos."
Gallop advises that partners focus on each other’s pleasure rather than pushing for specific acts. "Make every bedroom session about her orgasms in creative ways. When sex is about giving her a great experience, she’ll likely be more open to exploring new things together. This is key, as first-time anal sex, for example, requires trust and patience."
While anal sex, whether penetrative or involving external touching, can enhance intimacy for some couples, it carries higher risks of transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs), especially penetrative anal sex. Women, due to their shorter urethra, are also more susceptible to infections and UTIs.
On a different note, Gallop highlighted one unconventional behavior that could strengthen relationships — filming intimate moments. "From over eleven years of testimonials, we’ve found that filming your own real-world sex can be transformative for relationships. It forces couples to communicate and opens up new conversations, no matter how long they’ve been together. Many have told us it took their relationship to a whole new level." She added, "When mutual trust and respect are present in a relationship, nothing should be a turn-off. However, many people are conditioned to feel that certain acts are 'wrong,' leading to discomfort."
Sex and intimacy have been shown to provide various health benefits, such as improving heart health, reducing stress, and boosting mental well-being. Yet, recent trends suggest that many Brits aren’t having as much sex as they once did. A poll by the Royal College of Occupational Therapists (RCOT) found that the average adult has sex just 46 times a year — roughly once every eight days. A separate study revealed that only 55 percent of adults reported having sex at least once a week, with men (59 percent) slightly more active than women (51 percent).
Sexperts say that communication is key in long lasting relationships
However, some experts argue that there is no single mistake people make in the bedroom that could automatically destroy a relationship. Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationships expert at Lovehoney, said, "One of the biggest mistakes is thinking there’s a ‘right’ way to have sex. Performance anxiety or fear of doing something 'wrong' can overshadow the connection and pleasure sex is supposed to bring."
Relationship coach Katie Flowers agreed, adding, "The real issue arises when one partner’s needs or boundaries are disregarded. It’s not the act itself that’s problematic, but the lack of communication. When intimacy becomes one-sided, it can lead to emotional disconnection."
Experts also stress that there’s no such thing as a ‘standard’ sex life. "There’s pressure to have more sex, but it’s really about quality over quantity," noted Knight. "Communication is essential — if you’re not discussing what feels good or what you want, you’re missing out on a huge part of the experience."
She added, "There isn’t a magic number for how much sex is enough. It’s about what feels right for the individuals involved. Some couples are content with sex once a week, while others may want more or less."
Selfishness in bed, however, can be a significant turn-off, warned Knight. "If you’re only thinking of your own pleasure and ignoring your partner’s needs, your intimacy will likely suffer. Similarly, skipping foreplay and going straight to penetration can be a deal-breaker for many, yet it’s a common issue."
Torch Media Africa
