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There is a growing realization that women are no longer as easily governed by traditional norms
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Recently, the phrase "What do you bring to the table?" has been making headlines, especially after socialite Zari Hassan asked her partner, Shakib, this very question in a video they posted on their social media accounts. Zari, who believes she has financial stability, seems to expect Shakib to contribute equally to their relationship. But this raises an important question: What is the true essence of a relationship? We found ourselves making discussion about this on our whatsap platforms as men.
In many parts of Africa, the struggle to balance traditional values with modern influences has created a unique set of challenges in relationships and family dynamics. A common sentiment is that the attempt to imitate Western culture often clashes with the way of life that has long defined African societies. For many, the focus should be on preserving the core roles within a household—building and maintaining a habitable home, raising children, and ensuring that family bonds remain strong.
One perspective suggests that relationships thrive when both partners fulfill their traditional roles. For instance, a man might willingly take on more responsibilities if his partner is contributing more financially, but the expectations on women to manage the home, nurture the children, and provide emotional support remain central to this view. However, as society evolves, these expectations are increasingly challenged. There is a growing realization that women are no longer as easily governed by traditional norms. Men, therefore, are faced with the choice of allowing their partners to make their own decisions, or seeking someone whose values align more closely with their own vision of family life.
Recently, Blick says, he stumbled upon a video clip on social media that neatly summarized what many men, including himself, seek in a woman. "It laid out four essential aspects that are crucial for a family to thrive: supporting reproductive roles at home, providing good food, fulfilling sexual needs, and offering peace through support and submission. As I reflected on these points, I realized how much they aligned with my own expectations in a marriage."
This reflection led me to a deeper question: If a woman plans to delegate these vital roles to a maid, what then is her contribution to the marriage? Why would a man choose to marry her instead of the maid, who is already performing these tasks? The same question applies to men: What are they really looking for in a partner? For example, if you live in Kampala and your wife works in Bushenyi, what is the point of that marriage? Is it merely for public appearances, to say that you have a spouse? If she’s building a home elsewhere, what does that mean for the sustainability of the marriage? And more importantly, what does it mean for the children involved?
Today men ask, if a woman delegates all house chores to the maid, shouldn't the man marry the maid instead?
This shift has led to discussions about the nature of marriage and what each partner should bring to the table. The idea that men should bear the brunt of financial responsibilities—paying for food, housing, and other necessities—while women focus on the home, is being questioned. Some men feel that if they are covering most expenses, they should have more say in how the relationship functions. They argue that clarity about what they want from a marriage is essential for both partners to avoid conflict and ensure mutual satisfaction.
On the other hand, there's a counterargument that women, too, have needs and desires within a marriage, including sexual fulfillment and the desire for children. The notion that women are merely doing men a favor by taking care of the home or fulfilling these needs is seen as outdated. Women are equally invested in the outcomes of these roles, as they also benefit from a stable home, healthy children, and a satisfying relationship.
In our discussion, my friend Daphine mentioned that although her husband covers all the household bills, he only gives her 200,000 UGX per month for upkeep. I asked her what she needed the extra money for, and she replied that she takes care of the home because her husband is often away. She also looks after their children. So, I asked her, "Do the children only belong to the man? Is it a burden to take care of the children you gave birth to? Is it unreasonable to clean the bed or the room you sleep in? Why do you expect to be paid for cooking the food you are going to eat?"
Ultimately, these discussions reflect a broader concern about the evolving roles of men and women in African society. While traditional expectations remain strong, there is a clear push towards a more balanced approach where both partners contribute meaningfully to the marriage. This includes recognizing that women’s contributions—whether financial, emotional, or domestic—are just as vital as those of men.
In conclusion, the challenge lies in navigating these changing dynamics while maintaining the essence of what makes relationships work. For some, this means adhering to traditional roles, while for others, it involves redefining those roles in a way that suits modern life. Whatever the approach, the key is clear communication and mutual respect, ensuring that both partners feel valued and fulfilled in their roles.
Torch Media Africa
