Written By | Ayella
Ayella is a social comentator
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One of the most damaging yet least acknowledged forms of self-hatred is the habit of comparing one’s life with that of others. It is a subtle but corrosive practice that quietly erodes self-worth, distorts reality, and breeds unnecessary dissatisfaction.
Society often presents success as a simple equation of hard work and intelligence. Those who appear accomplished—confident, wealthy, or influential—are frequently portrayed as the inevitable winners of merit alone. What is rarely admitted, however, is the role of circumstance and luck. While effort and ability matter, outcomes are often shaped by factors beyond personal control.
Consider the farmer who diligently prepares the land and plants seeds at the right time. No matter how skilled or hardworking they are, the harvest ultimately depends on rainfall, sunlight, and timing—forces entirely outside their influence. Life follows a similar pattern. Two people may exert equal effort, yet arrive at vastly different destinations because the conditions surrounding them were not the same.
Unfortunately, we live in an era where happiness has become performative. Social media platforms have transformed joy into a public exhibition, measured through curated images of travel, fine dining, luxury, and idealised relationships. These portrayals create a misleading narrative that happiness is constant, effortless, and universally attainable. In truth, much of what is displayed is selective and staged.
A genuinely content person does not require an audience to validate their joy. Fulfilment, when real, is quiet and personal. The danger lies in mistaking performance for reality, and in reshaping one’s identity to fit an illusion. Attempting to change oneself merely to belong leads to internal conflict—a contradiction between who one truly is and who one pretends to be.
Life, whether perceived as successful or disappointing, is shaped by a complex mix of background, opportunity, timing, health, and chance. Many of these factors lie far beyond individual control. Recognising this reality is not an excuse for complacency, but an invitation to extend compassion—to others and to oneself.
Instead of measuring our lives against carefully edited versions of others, we would do better to focus on growth within our own context. Progress is personal. Peace comes not from comparison, but from acceptance, resilience, and the understanding that every journey unfolds under different skies.
Torch Media Africa
