Written By |
Before you marry, ask yourself: Am I ready for change? Am I willing to grow? Can I forgive repeatedly?
Search
By Evan Sande Ndahura – Columnist, Marriage & Society
Dating glitters. Honeymoons glow. But marriage—real marriage—begins when the glitter settles and the glow turns into daily light. Young couples often enter marriage with an optimism so warm that it blinds them to a simple truth: nothing stays the same forever.In dating, everything feels effortless. In marriage, everything requires effort.
Yet despite the transitions, storms, unexpected seasons and emotional shifts, many marriages can still stand the test of time—if built on truth, patience, forgiveness, and an honest understanding of what marriage truly is.
The Illusion of Dating and the Comfort of the Honeymoon
Dating is theatre. Everyone presents their best self. Money flows. Time bends. Promises multiply.
Imperfections hide behind romance. The couple lives on wishes and hopes. No one imagines storms; no one anticipates boredom; no one thinks of responsibility. The old idiom, “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride,” is nowhere in sight.
Adolescents in particular fall into this illusion. Their relationships are driven by hormones, fantasies, peer pressure, and digital filters. For them, love is: constant communication, midnight calls, excitement, validation, and emotional highs.
But marriage is not a continuation of dating. It is an elevation into responsibility. 
Imperfections hide behind romance. The couple lives on wishes and hopes
When Dating Ends and Marriage Begins
The day after the honeymoon is when the real curriculum begins.
Suddenly: Work replaces idle conversations. Budget replaces extravagance. Bills replace outings. Planning replaces fantasies. Children replace the couple’s freedom. Reality replaces symbolism.
The male partner confronts new pressures—rent, school fees, medical bills, job insecurity, social expectations, and the fear of failing his household. The female partner meets biological and emotional realities previously unknown: pregnancy, childbirth, hormonal changes, body transformation, nurturing infants, caring for extended family. School teaches reproduction, but not marital endurance. Society celebrates weddings, but not prepares couples for seasons.
Why “Nothing Stays the Same” — The Biblical Perspective
Scripture teaches that life moves in seasons. Psalm 113:7–9 reminds us that the poor can be lifted to sit with princes and the barren woman can become a joyful mother.
Meaning: circumstances do not remain constant. Isaiah 5:15–16 teaches that the mighty can be humbled and the proud brought low. Meaning: beauty, wealth, and social admiration are temporary.
Marriage must therefore be built not on emotions, beauty or prosperity—but on character.
Where Marriages Break or Stand: The Cornerstone of Longevity
Strong marriages are not perfect marriages. They are marriages that survive imperfection. The secret is found in Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Three pillars emerge: Forgiveness
Not conditional forgiveness, but constant forgiveness.
Marital storms—infertility, infidelity, financial collapse, extended family tension—demand the ability to emotionally reset without keeping score.
Patience People evolve with age and seasons: the bride becomes a tired mother, the groom becomes a stressed provider, priorities shift. Patience becomes oxygen.
Hard Work
Love alone is insufficient.
Marriage requires management—effort, budgeting, communication, sacrifice, prayer, and emotional discipline.
Why Past Marriages Lasted Longer Than Dot.com Era Marriages
Community Support
Past marriages had wider family and communal involvement. Today’s couples navigate alone with Google and TikTok.
Commitment Over Convenience
Divorce used to be the last option. Today it is often the first reaction.
Social Media Distorts Expectations
Couples compare their marriages to filtered fantasies. No real spouse can compete with curated online perfection.
Weddings Over Marriages
Modern focus is on ceremonies, photoshoots, “content”—not preparation for real-life partnership.
Individualism Over Partnership
“Me first” replaces “we.”
Past couples approached marriage as teamwork.
Adolescents vs Married Life — A Classical Illustration
Adolescents in Dating:
Believe love equals attention
Expect perfect communication
Demand long romantic hours
Interpret disagreements as lack of love
Value gifts as proof of affection
Reality in Marriage:
Love becomes responsibility
Communication becomes purposeful
Time becomes scarce
Disagreements become normal
Proof of love becomes action: bills paid, children raised, sacrifices made
A teenage boy who once spent three hours calling a girlfriend becomes a husband who returns home exhausted.
A teenage girl who loved selfies discovers childbirth changes the body, routine and confidence.
Marriage matures people faster than they expect.
What Young Couples Must Know Before Marriage
Romance is seasonal; commitment is constant.
Beauty changes; character doesn’t.
Money fluctuates—fortune is seasonal.
Children change everything.
Family challenges will come: sickness, infertility, poverty, betrayal.
You marry a human, not a fantasy—humans make mistakes.
Scholars on Marriage
Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: “Love is a choice you make every day, even on the days you don’t feel it.”
Dr. John Gottman, marital psychologist: “Marriages don’t fail because of conflict; they fail because couples stop trying to resolve it.”
Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: “To fall in love requires a pulse. To stay in love requires a plan.”
These reinforce a biblical truth: marriage is sustained by daily decisions, not emotional excitement.
Conclusion: A Message to Young Lovers
Before you marry, ask yourself: Am I ready for change? Am I willing to grow? Can I forgive repeatedly?
Can I endure seasons? Do I understand that nothing stays the same forever?
Marriage is beautiful—but only for those who embrace reality over fantasy.
Storms will come, but so will sunshine.
Tears will fall, but so will laughter.
Marriages endure not because couples are perfect, but because they choose: commitment, patience, forgiveness, communication, sacrifice, and God’s grace.
A marriage grounded in love and guided by wisdom does not break—it bends, heals, and rises again.
About the Writer (Columnist Summary)
Evan Sande Ndahura is a seasoned columnist whose work spans marriage, society, politics, leadership, economics, and resource management in Africa. He is known for his bold critique of corruption, bad governance, and leaders who cling to power, showing how these failures undermine democracy and destabilize families and communities. Ndahura also analyzes Africa’s economic and resource mismanagement, revealing how squandered wealth affects homes, youth aspirations, and generational progress. Blending biblical insight, social research, and practical wisdom, he transforms everyday African experiences into powerful lessons that guide readers toward emotional, spiritual, and intellectual maturity.
Torch Media Africa
