Written By |
Relationships can be quite challenging when you are not intellectually compatible with your partner
Search
I assume most of us have heard the phrase, “What do you bring to the table?” Haven’t you?
Recently, a Facebook friend introduced a topic that we have been discussing. We realized that one of the things that is often overlooked during courtship is intellectual incompatibility.
You see, attraction comes naturally. In fact, attraction is mandated by the laws of nature. Simply put, biologically, there is a hormone in humans called oxytocin. This hormone is responsible for, among other things, trust, sexual arousal, and building a relationship. In fact, many have termed it the "love hormone" or "cuddle chemical." It’s also an essential hormone for childbirth and lactation. It’s the one that helps a child bond with the mother.
Back to love, imagine a situation where one evening you are seated at the bar, sipping a glass of wine, and many people keep entering, both males and females. Then, one particular girl enters, and your mind goes like, wow. Your heart even skips a bit. Many girls have entered already and nothing happened, but this particular one caused your heart to skip a bit and your blood to run a bit faster. You even feel shy. You don’t know her name, her religion, her bank balance, her level of intelligence, or her religious affiliation, but just a look at her and everything changes. That’s it. That is the oxytocin hormone inside you doing its work. That’s what mandates attraction. Let no one ever lie to you that they can manipulate that. It’s natural.
Now that you have gathered the courage to talk to her and everything is okay, ask yourself what happens later? Why do relationships fail? Why do they become hard? And why do you find that the same person who once made your heart skip a bit is now the same person you don’t want to go back home to? There are definitely many factors, but just like I started, today we are looking at intellectual incompatibility. Let’s look at this scenario. You could be there, a Callista, a beautiful woman with a big booty, and actually, your man loves you very much. Even your behaviors are very good. But your head is full of gossip. The only information you have is gossip about your neighbors. After gossiping about your neighbors, you turn to your friends, then you quickly move to social media gossip about Zari and Full Figure. However much your man tries to engage you, you quickly turn the conversation back to the latest gossip. When he tries to spin the gossip around and turn it into a broader context discussion, your thoughts collapse on their buttocks and cannot be uplifted by any further engagement. When your man comes back tired, the last thing he wants to talk about is the latest drama from Zari. You and your husband could have made a perfect couple, but life threw you elsewhere.
In the Facebook discussion, one user shared an experience where she went to visit a friend, a newly married couple, and the husband was a doctor. That very evening, when the husband came back from work, after exchanging pleasantries, the woman started narrating all the soaps on TV. And the husband, with all his tiredness, listened and but didn’t look amused in anyway then went to bed. The relationship didn’t go past 2 years.
Or you could be there, Mr. Muhwezi, with your perfectly toned body because you gym enough, you are also as cute as your mum, and you are kind-hearted. And truth be told, your woman loves you. But then she cannot sustain an engaging conversation with you. Because apart from the opinions peddled by your favorite social media personality and your local political analyst who intentionally misguides you, you have no original thought in your mind. So every time you put out an opinion and your woman tries to interrogate it to get your line of thought, because it has no feet to stand on and no hands to hold it, it collapses into a pile of nothingness. Soon your woman starts to get bored.
Apart from looking cute, couples also need to be intellectually compatible for a relationship to survive
Now, the next time someone asks, “What do you bring to the table, apart from your big bums and brown thighs?” Even the men are always asked, “Apart from money, what else do you bring to the table?” Please don’t get annoyed. These are some of the things they are looking for. Like I have already explained above, attraction happens naturally, and you can’t stop it. But before you proceed with the relationship, have you taken time with your partner to understand if you are intellectually on the same level. It's important.
Dickens Tiharihondijo
