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By Mwine Bejuura
Last weekend, someone successfully conned me out of 10k. And I smiled. I always think I am on top of my game, but this one got me. So, instead of getting angry, I just smiled and handed it to him.
This is what happened:
I am looking for a house to rent, and I got the phone number of one of the brokers (those who normally put advertisements on the roadside). I called him, and he picked up. We had a chat. I told him my requirements, and he asked me what I wanted. I described the kind of house I was looking for and the price range I could afford. He quickly assured me that he had exactly what I needed.
He told me he charges 50k once I get the house, but since the house was already available, he explained that the owner—an elderly woman who had recently retired and moved to the village—had the keys. So, what I needed to do was send him 10k for fuel so he could pick up the keys.
That’s when I realized this was a scam. But then, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. See, the first trick conmen use is being humble. This one was very humble. The way he was talking—he was very polite—and that usually gets me.
The second trick they use is asking for a small amount of money. He said, “Just send me 10k. When you get the house, you can deduct that 10k from my fee and give me 40k.”
“It’s just 10k, right?” I thought.
So, I sent the money, but it didn’t go through because I was using Airtel to send to his MTN line. For some reason, my Airtel doesn’t send money to MTN. I don’t know why, but someone told me it's because I never re-registered it the second time.
Realizing the money hadn’t gone through, I called him and told him I had sent the money. At first, he agreed. But after 40 minutes, he called me back, claiming he hadn’t received it. He said he had already reached a petrol station, ready to pick up the keys, only to realize that the money wasn’t there.
(This was the second trick.)
He started crying on the phone, saying: "Kale omusajja anvugisa amafuta gange nga sente tazisindise. Kati nkoze ki?" (This man made me use my fuel, and he hasn’t sent me the money. What do I do now?)
He made it sound like he was already at the petrol station, that the attendant had already put in the fuel, and even suggested I speak to her.
I offered to meet him and pay cash since my phone was having issues sending money. But he kept making excuses—saying he was far, that he was in a rush, and that I should innitiate so he could withdraw and continue quickly before it got too late.
This second trick was making himself the victim. So, I kind of believed him. Though it still felt like a scam, the fact that it was only 10k made me decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. So, I sent it.
I initiated the transaction, and he thanked me, saying, “Let me rush and get the key.” He told me where to find him and said it would take about 30 minutes.
After 40 minutes, that’s when I realized I had finally been conned.
I started calling him. At first, he would pick up and say he was almost there. Then he stopped picking up. Then, after several attempts, he answered but quickly ended the call. Eventually, he stopped responding altogether.
After about two hours, I gave up and accepted that I had been scammed.
See, all conmen—pastors, street scammers, politicians, narcissists, witch doctors, etc.—use the same tricks.
I have taken time to study human behavior. In most cases, I use my own experiences and those of others to understand how things work. Here’s what I’ve learned:
Recently, I was trying to advise a friend who is struggling in her relationship. She married a pure narcissist who has taken advantage of her weaknesses, manipulating her to the point where she is exhausted.
This is the kind of man who is excessively jealous—who pretends to love you too much, quits his job to stay close to you so you don’t talk to other men, and threatens to kill himself if you leave.
They have two children, and he knows she loves them deeply and always threatens to take them away and she will never see them again. That’s her weakness. He constantly tells her that if she leaves, he will kill himself because he has no reason to live. Over time, she has come to believe that this means he truly loves her. Another weakness—because in her mind, she feels guilty for "hurting" him since he is the only man who has “genuinely” loved her.
I always laugh and tell her to wake up.
I told her: such people are the worst to be in a relationship with.
She is draining herself. This is a man who depends on her financially since he lost his job. She gives him money to pay the children’s school fees, but he spends it on his side chicks. On top of that, he beats her and threatens to kill both himself and her—because he doesn’t want her to work, fearing that other men will take her away.
I told her that the only way to leave such narcissists is to take away their power.
I advised her to send him a message and tell him:
This is the only way to deal with narcissists. They feed on attention. Take it away, and they lose their leverage.
It’s the same strategy for dealing with pastors, politicians, and street conmen. Show them you don’t give a damn—and you’ll be free.